Offering of anger: a submission
by Jeff Mach
(In 2016, I saw the wave of rising anger in the kink community, and thought we might talk it out. We couldn’t have done so. But I see why people did. This is a reminder of what I said then; it’s valuable today):
If I fuck up with you, and you’re submissive to me, make me an offering of your anger.
If you feel that anger is justified, if you feel it is the best response, then don’t hold it back out of a thought that withholding is more submissive. I have mentioned before: I don’t need meekness in and of itself. Humility can be a virtue, and so can self-abnegation, but neither one is automatically a universal good – not in a submissive or slave, not in anyone.
If you have an anger that will build up and get worse inside you, don’t try to clamp it down unless you have some way of releasing that energy. Because if you don’t, it will simply come out anyway – towards you, towards me, towards someone uninvolved. Anger can be dissipated, but not in every circumstance, and not by everyone. Anger which is present but unexpressed may not, in fact, be a desirable offering.
If you have an anger which can express itself in positive ways, then express it.
If you have an anger of which you should let go, then let it go. Ask me for help if you’d like. I’ll try to help.
Don’t hold back because it’s “not submissive”. You can hold back because it’s unproductive, because it’s unhelpful, because it’s not what you want to do and you have a better plan for using that energy. But don’t hold back simply because you think you “shouldn’t” be angry. With anger, as with fear, as with hope, as with lust, *experience what you experience, and learn to guide it into the best possible outcome for us both, with communication and complicity and mutual effort*.
That is the submission I want.