Kneeling at work: A submission
Kneel for me at work today.
It’s likely not safe for you to do so physically, and even if it is, that’s not the kneel I want.
What’s more important is this:
In your head, remember each part of the movements necessary to enter that kneel. Know where every part of your body is. Sense the pieces which move when you fill them with volition; feel them with your mind.
Activate the sinews in your legs, almost, but not quite, to the point of movement – as if they were preparing to move. Let yourself visualize the movement. Feel your legs bending. Feel the ground or floor. Feel pressure from your underside pushing down on your calves and heels.
Feel your head straightening over your stomach. Tell your mind to make the motions necessary for your hands to move and come to rest on your legs, positioned precisely as you want them.
Give me a perfect kneel. Give it to me in your mind. Feel every piece of the motion, and then feel yourself in that kneel. And remember who and what you are. And why you kneel.
Be that kneeling person. Without any movement others can see, without display for anyone – just inside you, where your submission begins.
Offering of anger: a submission
by Jeff Mach
(In 2016, I saw the wave of rising anger in the kink community, and thought we might talk it out. We couldn’t have done so. But I see why people did. This is a reminder of what I said then; it’s valuable today):
If I fuck up with you, and you’re submissive to me, make me an offering of your anger.
If you feel that anger is justified, if you feel it is the best response, then don’t hold it back out of a thought that withholding is more submissive. I have mentioned before: I don’t need meekness in and of itself. Humility can be a virtue, and so can self-abnegation, but neither one is automatically a universal good – not in a submissive or slave, not in anyone.
If you have an anger that will build up and get worse inside you, don’t try to clamp it down unless you have some way of releasing that energy. Because if you don’t, it will simply come out anyway – towards you, towards me, towards someone uninvolved. Anger can be dissipated, but not in every circumstance, and not by everyone. Anger which is present but unexpressed may not, in fact, be a desirable offering.
If you have an anger which can express itself in positive ways, then express it.
If you have an anger of which you should let go, then let it go. Ask me for help if you’d like. I’ll try to help.
Don’t hold back because it’s “not submissive”. You can hold back because it’s unproductive, because it’s unhelpful, because it’s not what you want to do and you have a better plan for using that energy. But don’t hold back simply because you think you “shouldn’t” be angry. With anger, as with fear, as with hope, as with lust, *experience what you experience, and learn to guide it into the best possible outcome for us both, with communication and complicity and mutual effort*.
That is the submission I want.
If you don’t know of me–Jeff Mach, sometimes called, by one particularly angry ex, “The Great East Coast Abuser”–I’ll say that I absolutely have self-interest here; I have skin in this game. (And I strongly, strongly distrust those who get into a situation which might influence others when they, themselves, have nothing to gain or lose. Having something at stake makes you biased, of course; but having nothing at stake makes you able to say whatever feels or looks good to you, rather than what’s needful or helpful–because the outcomes won’t affect you.)
I’m in the situation of many people who’ve been accused of serious consent violation: at the time of this writing, the community doesn’t have a path towards “redemption”. And after a long time in that space, I’ve decided: if I want to see change, I have to make that change. And I’ll be blunt: change probably has to come from someone who isn’t afraid of being attacked by mobs.
I’m not characterizing everyone who disagrees with me as being a mob; quite the contrary, I welcome discussion of disagreement. But people aren’t silenced because they’re concerned others will have differing opinions; they’re silenced because they have good reason to fear annihilation. They’ve seen what happens when one person is the apex of a community’s rage. Nobody wants to be that one person.)
I’ve been that person. And I am no longer afraid, and I won’t be silenced again.
The kink community has many people who are trying damn hard to make it the best possible place.
It also has elements of witch-hunting which try to force specific views on everyone, and implicitly or explicitly threaten shunning, callouts, and eventually mobbing on some of those who don’t give them what they want.
I’m calling out that behavior, and I’m going to fight against it.
Come join me. I don’t claim to be perfect; but I’m a damn good ally, and I’m specific: I don’t want to run the kink community, I just want the kink community to STOP being fueled by fear of mobs.
Darling, tonight your body exists only as a space to showcase an endless gallery of bruises, semen, spit, blood, lacerations, and tears. Everyone here will enjoy you. Perhaps you will enjoy nothing. I don’t care.
I don’t care what happens to you tonight, so long as you remember two things:
Don’t be permanently damaged. You don’t have permission to make lasting alterations to that which is not yours, namely, you.
The very last scream, the one before your voice is gone altogether, that ragged and torn-up bit of half-choked breath?
Know this: that last scream is mine. When it comes out of you, send it straight to me.
And I promise:
Wherever I am, I will hear it. Not with my ears, but with my heart.
I originally thought of this as a message as those who are new to the “Kink Community”, but I realized that, in fact, it really covers a lot of the ambivalent, complex feelings I have towards the BDSM community in general–however you’d choose to define it.
First of all, be aware that if you are looking for some kind of community, some kind of like-minded souls, you can find them in many parts of the Kink community. There’s a lot of compassion, friendliness, openness, support, support and love out there. Even if we can’t exactly define what the “Kink Community” is.
That being said–
There’s a lot of hate out there. There’s a lot of politics. It flares up in cycles, and some of those cycles get very vicious and ugly. There’s a lot of politics. There’s a lot of maneuvering. There are sometimes exactly the level of difficulties you’d expect in a world where very few people make money, most people have a sexual (or equivalent drive) connection to the subject, and there are lots and lots of relationships which change, improve, sour, or shatter.
This is an important message for the BDSM world in 2019 (and onwards) – online, in person, everywhere:
The community does not own you, not any part of you, not your heart, not your loyalty, none of you. Not unless it has earned some of those things–just like in any other relationship. You do not have an obligation to maintain the community’s “standards”, follow its “rules”, or do what you are told. You DO have an obligation not to be a predator, not to be an asshole, not to do things that harm other members of the community if you can avoid it–and certainly not to do those things on purpose. You DO have an obligation to treat this as something reasonably secret, because frankly, kink is still illegal in most places, it can still get you fired in a lot of places, it can make you lose custody battles. So if you join a community, you have an obligation not to “out” it.
And that should actually give you some pause about joining any group. Are you prepared to maintain that anonymity? We’ve started blurring some of those lines–and we’ve seen where it gets us; for one thing, whatever your politics are, you have to confront the knowledge that we’ve recently seen both legislation in the USA, and action by individual companies, which makes it more difficult for the kink community to operate, and which makes life more difficult for kinky people.
Maybe the best kink community you can have is one you choose, one you create by the actions you take.
Here are a few thoughts of things you can do:
Help those who are new, scared or unsure – if they want help.
Find love in a welcoming, warm and select kink “family” or group.
Ask for help for yourself if you need it – you deserve it.
But also remember this:
The Kink community embodies all manner of compassion, help, affection and love…..when it wants to.
And it also personifies every anger, every bit of baggage, every type of the worst interaction of humans in groups. It’s sometimes amazing, and sometimes straight-up actively harmful.
Respect it. Know that it exists, in a number of forms, online and in person. You are not alone–for both better and worse
The community is broken in many places. It’s dangerous in a lot of places. It sometimes advocates crappy things because they are popular and show up in shiny memes.
The community is a whole lot like a problematic family. Sometimes you want to hug its members, sometimes you want to strangle them, and vice versa.
But keep this in mind.
* You can tell the Community to go fuck itself.. You are your own person. Your kink belongs to no one but yourself, unless you decide to do otherwise. The community has the right to express itself when it feels hurt – but “the community” does not have some kind of legislature or tribunal–and if it did, it would not have authority over you.
(Someday, I think, somebody will use this to be a huge dick and out a whole lot of people. Sometimes, I think this is already happening.
My opinion? Use the community if you can; give back to the community if you can.
Your life and kinks are yours, unless you are harming others.
You belong to you and only you; no-one else gets an ownership stake in you unless you agree to it. You don’t “owe” the community yourself.
You are free. You are unbound.
Go do what YOU think is best, with or without the community. The Community is sometimes wise, sometimes compassionate, sometimes useful; sometimes petty, sometimes dismissive, and sometimes destructive as hell.
Be active in the community, or be a lone wolf, or start your own community. It’s YOUR choice–don’t let anyone, including me, tell you otherwise.
(You don’t often read kink about abrasion, even though it’s, quite literally, one of the first kinks you’ll see listed in most place, purely due to alphabetization. This is the first part in an infrequent series where I pick pieces off one of the standard BDSM checklists which have been floating through the internet for the last several decades (I think I first saw one there over twenty years ago) and do a bit of writing on the subject. I actually have more than a few challenges with checklists (and they seem to have fallen out of fashion in a lot of places)–but I think they’re an interesting starting point.
Here’s a very short kink vignette. I hope you enjoy it.)
You had some idea I’d be spanking you with the hairbrush; it’s traditional, even if hairbrushes don’t really have the kind of weight balance one might prefer. There’s a little too much heft, concentrated in a slightly too-compact area, a little more like a fist than a paddle.
Perhaps you thought it was foreplay, as I began to apply the stiff, stiff bristles to where you are tender.
This is not a few smacks and a fuck. It’s not something out of porn, where every action is made dramatic, to play to the camera. Nor is this something from a mass-market magazine, giving you helpful hints to spice up your love life. This is a particular, personal reality, and a lesson in submission. It is the slow process of teaching, first your mind, and then your muscle memory, that there are no real limits to pain of pleasure, except unconsciousness. I can keep this going all night–literally. It’s not much work for me. For you, it’s a constant pressure on your skin, a tugging, twisting pull, an almost-tear. I never quite apply enough force to dig through the surface, and I never quite pull away long enough for the flesh to release.
Abrasion wakes the skin. Done sensually, it teases. Taken to its logical extension, it would eventually strip you to the bone.
And that is what are going to do–not to your body, as that would be impractical for the continuance of our play–but to your mind. We’re going to strip away the roles that have been imposed on you by the outside world, tearing off the mask, revealing the surging, voracious strength and appetite which lie underneath.
Goodbye, sweet princess.
Hello, captive dragon.